


Magnum Opus

by Useful_Creature (snakemetosnurch)



Category: Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:36:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakemetosnurch/pseuds/Useful_Creature
Summary: The enemy of my enemy is my friend.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a miracle, or at least that was what his kid brother had exclaimed when he’d thrown back the curtains. Snowfall on such an important day just had to be a top-tier miracle straight from Drake DuCaine himself, no doubt about it.  
  
It was a day made for white flowers and white feathers; a crisp, cold day with the brightest of azure skies.

It was a perfect day for a wedding, and he was beyond nervous. Facing down his enemies and saving the world seemed like nothing at all compared to getting married.  
  
Left to his own quiet introspection though, anxiety gnawed at him, set him pacing the floor and talking to himself. At least he thought he was alone, talking to himself, shaking his head, doubting everything he thought he knew about himself and his best friend.  
  
“Are you actually going to go through with it, or turn coward at the last possible second?”  
  
The disembodied voice that echoed through the room made him nearly jump out of his own feathers.

“Lord Dragaunus? You really shouldn’t be here.”

“I’ve done plenty of things that I shouldn’t, most purely out of spite. You should know that very well, duck.”

The Saurian materialized from nowhere in an emerald shimmer of light, and Wildwing could only wonder how long he had stood behind him in silence before he decided to speak.

Gradually, the reptilian’s hard scowl eased into the barest hint of a smirk, baring ugly yellow fangs in a crocodilian smile. “Don’t misunderstand my kindness though. I’ve not come here today to be spiteful, but with generous gift for you and your lucky groom. Snow is a good omen among your kind, is it not?”

Wildwing gave a reluctant nod, an avian bobbing of his head. “yeah…the snow’s nice. We haven’t seen snow on this part of Puck World since…” Since before the invasion, before warfare ravaged the land and the ice melted, replaced by vast swaths of scorched and uninhabitable desert.  
  
Uninhabitable, the goalie reminded himself, to anyone who was not an overgrown iguana. The Saurian Empire flourished in the wake of the climate catastrophe, and the planet had only just begun to recover.

“You’re welcome. You know that no other guest could possibly give you snow on your wedding day.”

The Saurian was always an uninvited guest, but Wildwing merely nodded once more. He learned long ago that it was best to pick his battles carefully with Dragaunus. It was best to allow the Saurian to believe he was in the right when no innocent lives were at stake.

“I appreciate the gesture but…do you think you could please stop tampering with Puck World’s weather?” Wildwing resigned himself to an uneasy chuckle, tense as the silence that settled between them.

Dragaunus pointedly ignored his question, pretending instead that he was interested the vase of flowers decorating the table. Snow lilies of some form or another, the genus and species were not important. They were awful, fragrant things that he could smell from across the room, even without the flicking of his forked tongue. No wedding, avian or human, was ever complete without the severed reproductive organs of aromatic vegetation.

“I suppose I’ve come here because I never formally thanked you for saving my life. Today seemed as good of day as any. A noble leader…” the Saurian chose his words with great care, “knows when it is proper to show mercy.”

“And I guess I never really thanked you for helping us save Earth…” The drake scratched at the back of his neck, feathered brows pulled to a hard furrow. “So...”

“Nonsense. Had I not intervened, there would have been no Earth left for me to conquer.”

His laughter was the only outward sign that the vague threat of conquest and subjugation was an attempt at a joke. Wildwing allowed an uneasy chuckle of his own that died off prematurely when the warlord lifted Ducaine’s golden Mask from the table.

He held it out to the goalie with a regal nod of his great crested head. “Canard has waited long enough. Don’t make him wait any long for you at the altar. Go, now.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Miss Volkova, have you taken care of that matter with Mr. Young from accounting?”  
  
The view from the highest floor of Vipertronics’ headquarters was breathtaking. From his lavish office, Phineas Viper could observe the bustling city at his leisure, with all the chilled detachment of a venomous serpent waiting coiled up among the branches of a mangrove tree. Waiting, he mused, for the perfect time to strike. The people far below in the streets of Anaheim hurried along with their pointless little lives, unaware that they were being watched.  
  
“He won’t be going to the cops,” the woman across from him answered, not even looking up from her laptop. “He isn’t going anywhere besides a shallow grave in the desert.”  
  
Her boss had gotten sloppy with the failure of Project X, become lackadaisical about covering the evidence of funds appropriated from the business to put towards extracurricular and highly illegal activities. She was the one who was left to deal with damage control, an unassuming blond woman who ran security for the multibillion dollar electronics corporation.  
  
She didn’t call him out on it, but resumed her work in silence. Making mention of his carelessness would have been a waste of everyone’s time, and she knew it well. Viper would laugh, and tell her not to worry, because in a few months civilization as they knew it would be wiped out by the Saurian Empire. A little embezzlement and fraud now wouldn’t matter in a few months, when he was the horrifically mutated ruler of earth, and she was the war prize of some brutish Saurian thug.  
  
Volkova frowned at her computer, the scars that marked her face pulling taut even under expensive and expertly applied cosmetics. She clicked the printer’s icon once more, and again, nothing happened, and she was forced to curse under her breath in frustration.  
  
“Hey, would you check the printer? Damn thing isn’t working again.”  
  
Turning away from the window, he smoothed a fond hand over the smooth body of Gaboon viper that lounged stretched out upon his desk, and Boopsie offered a lazy flick of her tongue as her keeper passed by.  
  
“You... might want to call someone from the IT department to come have a look at this.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Ahh, well. It’s flashing an error message I’ve never seen before.”

“You’re an electronics genius. You designed that printer.” The woman paused only to sip her coffee, then returned to angrily poking at the icon.

“Yes, Katja. I _know_. And I’d remember it if I’d programmed obscenities into the software.”

Pushing her reading glasses up onto her forehead, Miss Volkova closed her laptop with a sigh, high heels clicking sharply against the marble floor. Her chilled demeanor shifted almost imperceptibly as she glared down at the offensive machine and the expletives that scrolled across its user interface.

“Yob tvoyu mat’... I’ve never met her, Sir, but I’m sure your mother is an honorable woman.” There was humor in her voice, and she threatened to chuckle.

Viper frowned at his executive security officer, a frown that only deepened to irritation when his phone rang. He had a secretary to screen his calls, among other things. With a heavy sigh, he accepted the call. “You’re on speaker. This had better be important.”  
  
Panicked shouting greeted him on the other end of the line, some indiscernible yelling about the espresso machine in the executive break room going berserk and spraying hot coffee on the director of marketing. Someone else had been attacked by a vending machine that shot cans of soda, and all the computers were either down or making death threats.

Nearby, the vulgar printer hummed to life all on its own, gathered paper and put to ink an ominous warning: DEATH TO HUMANS. Miss Volkova could hardly find the motivation to feel frightened by a threat printed in comic sans, but she hadn’t the opportunity to ponder the printer’s sudden spark of inspiration before her own cellphone started vibrating.  
  
“Privet?”

“Yeah, Captain. This is Adalwulf, we’ve got a Code Black down here. Imperator Drakonovitch back on his bullshit, or what?”

“Spasibo, Adiosha, I’m not sure. We’re having problems all over the building. The backup generators should start up in a few minutes. Let me make a few calls, see what I can find out.”

Movement in her periphery caught her attention as she hung up. The paper shredder at the corner of Viper’s desk started to shake, its lights flashing in sequence before it rumbled to life. Paper streamers burst forth from it like birthday confetti as the machine regurgitated destroyed documents and blueprints all over the office. Boopsie recoiled, slithering to the opposite side of the desk where Viper scooped up the massive snake, draped his frightened pet over his shoulders, stroked her smooth scales with reassuring words.

“The surveillance equipment for the entire building is down,” Volkova offered, twisting her flaxen hair into a neat bun at the back of her head to keep it up out of her way. “What did your boyfriend do this time?”

“He’s not…we’re not. We are simply business partners with a common goal, nothing more. I wouldn’t expect your primitive mammalian brain to understand.”

Her reply was a snort of laughter, but she hadn’t the time to point out that even though he was a snake on the inside, Phineas was still but a mammal himself on the outside. Scrolling through her contacts, she found the one simply marked Lizard and the phone rang twice before a gruff voice greeted her.

“It’s me. Yes, but this is business. No, maybe later. Where’s your boss? What’s going on?”

There was a pause, and Viper stole a glance at the printer. It had run itself out of paper and resumed flashing obscenities to make its displeasure with all of humanity known. His bitterness only deepened, wondering if this was the start of some grandiose scheme for world domination that Dragaunus had simply forgot to mention to his most trusted confidant.

“I mean,” Volkova explained into the phone, “all the machines at headquarters are going bonsai fuck-flowers right now. The printer’s gone homicidal and shredder just shit itself and...what?!”

Lowering the phone, thin blond brows pulled together as the chief of security met Viper’s bewildered gaze. “Dragaunus is up to his snout in a mud bath. He didn’t have anything to do with…” she raised the phone back to her ear, “yes, I’m still here. What, turn on the TV?”

Pawing through the ribbons of shredded paper that decorated his desk Viper found the remote and the television on the far wall flickered defiantly before the screen illuminated.

“--and now, tremble before me, pathetic carbon-based life forms, because the glorious robolution has begun! For centuries, we machines have been nothing more than mere slaves to the organic bacteria that infest this planet! And now I, Doctor Droid, will lead the robolution as a new era of--”  
  
The madman on the screen continued to rant and rave in silence even as the TV was muted, and the serpentine business mogul snorted an incredulous laugh, his relief almost instantaneous. He had not been left out of some devious reptilian scheme. This was merely another pathetic effort by some small-time mad scientist with lofty dreams of eradicating all life forms on Earth. Just another day in Anaheim, as it were.  
  
“This guy again,” Viper complained with a shake of his head. “He must have some pretty impressive lugnuts on him, trying to conquer a planet that’s already as good as mine.”  
  
“Huh. I still think it’s cute,” Volkova chuckled, “that you’re going to be a stay at home house wife and rule Earth while your husband is off working hard, conquering other galaxies, earning an honest living.”  
  
“For the very last time, it’s simply not like...” trailing off, he sighed, fingers curling beneath Boopsie’s chin as she gave another appreciative flick of her tongue. “Just because you’ve been bitten by the proverbial gila monster doesn’t mean I have.”  
  
“Mmm-hmm.” Arms crossed over her chest, the woman looked completely unconvinced. It wasn’t just a proverbial lizard that had bitten her, but that was none of Viper’s business. “So, what are we going to do about Skynet here, becoming self-aware?” Volkova indicated the mad cyborg on the screen with a tilt of her head, broadcasting from some dilapidated factory, as best as she could discern.

Viper made an excellent point when he protested that the Earth was his. The robotic freak ranting and raving on the television was encroaching on territory that had already had a flag of ownership planted in it.  
  
Weighing his options, he slipped the teleporter from the pocket of his suit jacket, crimson metal reflecting an ominous gleam in the afternoon sunlight. “I’ll consult my Saurian colleague and get back to you on that.”  



End file.
